Ready to get roasted harder than a forgotten bag of popcorn in a gas station microwave? Welcome to the unapologetic, unfiltered, and undeniably hilarious world of Tony Hinchcliffe jokes — where every punchline is a haymaker, and every setup is loaded with enough sarcasm to fuel a roast battle. Whether you’re a die-hard fan of Kill Tony, a comedy nerd, or just someone who appreciates razor-sharp wit, this collection brings you 200+ jokes that could get you banned from family dinners.
🎯 Savage Schoolyard Snaps
• You bring crayons to a PowerPoint presentation.
• Your report card needed a therapist.
• You once got suspended from homeschool.
• You failed recess.
• Even your calculator gave up on you.
• Your yearbook superlative was “Most Likely to Peak in the Attendance List.”
• You spell GPA with an “H.”
• Your teacher wrote “Bless your heart” instead of feedback.
• You’re the reason group projects have trust issues.
• The school mascot filed a restraining order.
💼 Workplace Weakness Roasts
• Your work ethic is still on its lunch break.
• You asked IT where to plug in a stapler.
• HR has a dartboard with your face on it.
• You’ve been “promoted” to customer twice.
• You got laid off by a group chat.
• Your resume is written in Comic Sans and desperation.
• Your out-of-office email is your best contribution.
• You thought a 401(k) was a marathon.
• You tried to forward an email with a paperclip.
• You get micromanaged by a vending machine.
🧠 Light-Headed Intelligence Burns
• You once Googled “how to Google.”
• You thought VPN was a vitamin.
• You bring facts to a meme fight.
• You treat common sense like a conspiracy theory.
• You think RAM is a zodiac sign.
• You thought “IQ” was a podcast.
• You can’t even spell GED.
• You once asked ChatGPT how to breathe.
• Your brain is buffering in real life.
• You have one tab open—and it’s frozen.
❤️ Brutal Relationship Barbs
• You bring more baggage than an airport carousel.
• Your idea of commitment is a free trial.
• Even your imaginary girlfriend cheated.
• Your love language is red flags.
• You’ve been ghosted by delivery drivers.
• You once got dumped during an Uber ride you paid for.
• You got friendzoned on LinkedIn.
• You and romance go together like fire and dry shampoo.
• Your dating profile has a “may contain traces of emotional damage” warning.
• Your ex’s therapist upgraded their plan.
🏠 Family Dinner Flame Zone
• Your family tree has warning signs.
• Even your baby pictures flinch.
• You’re why Thanksgiving has assigned seats.
• Your mom’s favorite child is the Wi-Fi.
• Your relatives RSVP “maybe” to your birthday.
• You’re the plot twist at every reunion.
• Even the dog sighs when you walk in.
• Your dad says, “I’m proud”—to the neighbor’s kid.
• You once got grounded by your little cousin.
• You’re the family group chat mute button.
😂 Stand-Up Stage Self-Destruction
• You bombed so hard, the mic called in sick.
• You were the opener, closer, and the reason no one stayed.
• You once got heckled by a chair.
• Your best laugh came from a sneeze.
• Your punchlines require CPR.
• Even the bartender walked out.
• You thought timing was a seasoning.
• You warmed up the crowd—into silence.
• You once got replaced by a Spotify playlist.
• You’re the reason the light guy left early.
📱 Tech Troubles & Roasts
• You double-tap screenshots.
• You once asked if “cloud storage” meant the sky.
• Your password is “password1234.”
• You think the iCloud is a religion.
• You keep sending voice notes to your landline.
• You asked Alexa to cook dinner.
• You try to reboot your phone by shaking it.
• You once unfollowed yourself.
• Your phone auto-corrects “you” to “no one likes.”
• You updated your phone and lost your personality.
👗 Fashion Police Insults
• You dress like your laundry won a dare.
• You shop exclusively in clearance regret.
• Your outfit screams “I give up!” in six languages.
• You once wore flip-flops to a funeral.
• You put “bold choices” in a headlock.
• Your color coordination is under investigation.
• You bring runway confidence to Walmart fits.
• Your mirror has seen too much.
• You once got mistaken for a lost mannequin.
• Even your shadow looks embarrassed.
💬 Savage Social Media Slaps
• Your captions have typos in emojis.
• You post like it’s still 2009.
• Your TikToks have negative engagement.
• You once got blocked by autocorrect.
• You hashtag your emotions.
• You posted a selfie and lost followers.
• Your reels are used in digital hostage training.
• You still write “First!” on your own posts.
• Your bio says “aspiring influencer” with zero posts.
• You accidentally tagged your boss in a thirst trap.
🌎 World Traveler Roast Pack
• You asked for Wi-Fi in the middle of a hike.
• You brought flip-flops to Iceland.
• You got scammed at a lemonade stand in Italy.
• You thought Budapest was two places.
• You packed 12 outfits for a layover.
• Your idea of adventure is room service.
• You use Google Translate like a wingman.
• You once mistook customs for a gift shop.
• You thought Machu Picchu was a DJ.
• You asked Siri how to say “Where’s the Taco Bell?” in French.
🧘 Self-Care Sabotage Squad
• Your meditation playlist is just screaming.
• You once burned sage and set off the fire alarm.
• You confuse aromatherapy with Febreze.
• You took a bubble bath in Gatorade.
• You journal with emojis.
• You do yoga just for the selfie.
• You bought 3 crystals and still owe 3 people apologies.
• You thought a sound bath meant yelling in the shower.
• Your therapist recommended blocking yourself.
• You manifest debt.
🎂 Birthday Roast Bonanza
• Your candles cost more than the cake.
• Your age is now legally classified as “vintage.”
• Even your party hats gave up.
• You’ve had more awkward cakes than celebrations.
• You wished for silence—and got ghosted.
• Your surprise party RSVP’d “Nah.”
• You once blew out the smoke alarm.
• You invited people, and your cake unfriended you.
• Your childhood wishes filed a complaint.
• Your balloons deflated in sympathy.
💀 Morbidly Funny Burns
• You’re the kind of person horror movies root for.
• Even death says “not yet, I’m busy.”
• You make purgatory look efficient.
• Your vibe is haunted printer.
• You once got ghosted by a ghost.
• Your life flashes before other people’s eyes.
• If karma had a face, it would avoid yours.
• You’re the cliffhanger in someone else’s obituary.
• Even demons won’t take your calls.
• You’d make a ghost feel alive again—by comparison.
🎓 Graduation Day Grievances
• You walked across the stage and fell into debt.
• Your diploma says “Nice Try.”
• Your graduation speaker was your parole officer.
• You decorated your cap with excuses.
• Your family celebrated like you got paroled.
• Your degree came with a reality check.
• You majored in procrastination.
• You tossed your cap—into a job rejection.
• Your school password still works, because no one changed it.
• You gave a speech and got graded on it—F.
🎮 Gamer-Level Roasts
• You rage quit Monopoly.
• You once lost a 1v1 to your grandma.
• Your controller needs therapy.
• You camp so much, tents follow you home.
• Your killstreak is -3.
• You play like a lag spike in human form.
• Your in-game voice chat gets muted by NPCs.
• You once got banned from Solitaire.
• You teabag yourself.
• Your avatar has more confidence than you.
🎭 Drama King & Queen Jabs
• You turn a stubbed toe into a season finale.
• You bring audition energy to ordering coffee.
• Your tears have a director’s cut.
• You perform like rent’s due—daily.
• You once fake cried for an Uber discount.
• Your life is in 4D—Drama, Denial, Delusion, and DMs.
• Your Oscar speech is ready for losing a sock.
• You improvise trauma.
• Your love triangle includes imaginary friends.
• Your mirror has front-row seats to a daily soap.
🧑🍳 Kitchen Disaster Digs
• You once burned cereal.
• Your smoke alarm is your timer.
• You thought al dente was a rapper.
• Your idea of seasoning is regret.
• Your air fryer needs therapy.
• You once Googled “how to boil water.”
• You made toast—and ruined the toaster.
• Your fridge light sighs when you open it.
• You think mise en place is a French insult.
• You confused paprika with glitter.
🧛 Vampire-Level Insults
• You suck the fun out of a full moon.
• Your vibe is garlic-proof.
• You sparkle like expired soda.
• Even Dracula blocked you.
• You once got ghosted by a coffin.
• You asked if blood type comes in almond milk.
• You make sunlight consider therapy.
• You tried to Zoom into a seance.
• You wore fangs to jury duty.
• Your coffin came with a refund request.
🎵 Music Buff Burns
• Your playlist causes Bluetooth to crash.
• You sing like a fire alarm with feelings.
• You tried to Shazam a bird.
• You think tempo is a diet.
• Your voice cracks in Morse code.
• Your karaoke makes Siri cry.
• You once played drums with salad tongs.
• You hum in lowercase.
• You got booed in your own shower.
• Your Spotify Wrapped filed a complaint.
🔚 Endgame Roast Collection
• You make cliffhangers feel secure.
• Your personality comes with a plot twist—of silence.
• Even your endings have endings.
• You once ghosted a therapist mid-session.
• Your aura screams “404 Not Found.”
• You log off like a suspense movie without closure.
• Your final act is still buffering.
• You burn bridges and forget the matches.
• You bring closure like a sequel no one asked for.
• You’re the footnote to someone else’s roast.
FAQs?
1. Who is Tony Hinchcliffe?
Tony Hinchcliffe is a stand-up comedian known for his dark humor, razor-sharp roasts, and his popular live show Kill Tony.
2. Are these jokes written by Tony Hinchcliffe himself?
Nope — they’re inspired by his style. All jokes here are original and written in the spirit of roast comedy.
3. Can I use these jokes in my stand-up set?
Absolutely — just be sure to tweak them to match your voice and delivery style.
4. Are these jokes clean?
They’re edgy and bold, but kept internet-friendly — think PG-13 roast comedy.
5. What makes Tony Hinchcliffe’s comedy unique?
He blends savage one-liners with lightning-fast wit and a fearless delivery that hits where it hurts (and makes it funny).
6. Are roast jokes meant to be mean?
Not really — roast jokes are all about playful insults with mutual respect (and some extra spice).
7. How can I improve my own roast-writing skills?
Study comedians like Tony, practice writing sharp punchlines, and test them out on stage or with friends.
8. Can I roast people without offending them?
Yes — timing, tone, and knowing your audience is key. Roast with love (and a fire extinguisher).
9. Where can I watch Tony Hinchcliffe perform?
Check YouTube, comedy clubs, or his Kill Tony podcast/show for regular appearances.
10. Does PunsPlanet have more roast or edgy joke content?
Oh yes! From sarcastic burns to pun-packed punchlines, we serve every flavor of funny at rizzinfinity.com.
Conclusion
If you made it through all these Tony Hinchcliffe-style burns without crying, congrats—you’ve got thicker skin than most of the people Tony roasts on stage. These jokes hit harder than a mic drop at a roast battle, and if you laughed, you’re probably not easily offended… or you’re the reason some of these jokes exist. Either way, thanks for taking the hits with style.
For more unapologetic laughs, dark punchlines, and comedy that walks the line—then crosses it with a smirk—visit PunsPlanet.com
